Mom, stop, you’re dead

I didn’t have this type of dream last night, but mom, you have to stop coming into my dreams the way you do. It is always about how you weren’t really dead. You come back, you’re trying to be my mom, you put the effort in, in my dreams.
It isn’t fair. You need to stop. You need to stop.
You’re dead.
You’re dead.
You’re dead.

Why can’t my mind understand that you aren’t coming back?
Why do I have to have these dreams where I feel like you are really, truly back. Doing all the things you said you’d do before you killed yourself?
Did you though?

We don’t know.
We can’t know.
OD? Maybe.
Accident? Maybe.
Suicide? Maybe.

Suicide is what my conclusion is.

You need to stop.
You are dead.

You can’t even stop causing me pain in death.

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One thought on “Mom, stop, you’re dead”

  1. My dad died of an overdose when i was 9. I still have dreams now of him coming back and acting like nothing happened. Then i get annoyed and run away. I feel as though im 9 years old again. But i’m 26 now, and still not completely over it.

    I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, however obscure it might seem. It might not be so obvious now, and over time it may change. But i feel as though the emotions that boil away beneath the surface because of a loss makes us stronger. And venting these emotions as you are doing are an important way to stop the boiling pot from exploding.

    I felt the emotion in the poem very clearly. Beautifully honest words. Most people hold it in and pretend the feelings dont exist. Its admirable that you have the strength to share it :)

    Well done and good luck with life. I wish you good health and happiness.

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